Karen Comer

Collecting Stories

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Dear readers, it’s been a while

February 26, 2021 by Karen Comer 9 Comments

Dear readers, it’s been a while since I last posted. My website updated itself in December and there were problems that seemed insurmountable because it was December and there were work deadlines and Christmas deadlines and general December busyness.

Thank you to the lovely Nic from Planning with Kids who helped me with the technical side of my blog as well as giving me a big pep talk for continuing on!

There is news to catch up on!

Reading

I’ve been reading a lovely pile of books – my usual mix of fiction, non-fiction, children, young adult and poetry. Standout books include Seth Godin’s The practice (non-fiction), Cate Kennedy’s The taste of river water (poetry), The forty rules of love by Elif Shafak (novel) and The girl who became a tree by Joseph Coelho (young adult). Reviews for some of these books coming!

Editing

I have a mix of projects at the moment which makes my editing life varied and exciting. I’ve almost finished editing a fabulously detailed family history of six generations dating back to Scotland in the 1850s, I’ve proofread a book about wills which has prompted me to have conversations with family members, I’m about to start reading an exciting crime novel for a general reader’s report and I edited a wonderfully lyrical essay on nature.

Writing

My first middle-grade verse novel is under submission so I’ve been researching for my young adult verse novel. I’ve almost finished this now, so I’m ready to look at the structure of the first draft. Are my key scenes in the right places? Do they match up with my research? Do my two main characters meet up at the right moment?

Facilitating

I’m now the facilitator for the online Springfield writers’ group. This is a talented, oh so talented group of women who are writing poems, essays, novels, short stories, memoirs, non-fiction. We meet once a week to discuss two writers’ work and the creative collaboration in this group is a tangible thing.

Creating

Apart from creating a weekly menu of lunches and dinners and snacks which lately have NOT been as creative as my other pursuits, I’ve been teaching myself to weave. Last year during the lockdowns, I found quilting and sewing to be an antidote to the news cycle. I have a beautiful weaving kit and I am making a random, unplanned small weaving in soft dusky pinks, creams and burgundies.

Tutoring

I am constantly telling my children how lucky they are to have me as a mother but it’s only when I cook their favourite meal or help them with an English essay that they truly appreciate me! Mr 17 is in year 12 this year and we have already spent some time together talking through his first SAC. I also read through a few of his mates’ pieces – one of them named a character Karen. I am not sure whether to take it as a compliment or an insult – the character was rather annoying!

Your news …

Please tell me what you have been reading, writing or creating – I’d love to know.

Filed Under: Adult Fiction, Adult Non-Fiction, Art, Editing, Poetry, Reading, Writing, Young adult

TGIF

October 11, 2019 by Karen Comer 8 Comments

Each week always starts off fresh with five days of possibility before the weekend, and then all of a sudden, it’s Friday and some of the possibilities haven’t quite eventuated!

Brene Brown, author, research professor and Ted talk speaker, sends out a weekly email entitled TGIF. But the TGIF stands for Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration and Fun.

This is my version for today.

Trust – I’ve delivered three writing workshops in the last fortnight – one for a school holiday program and two for a school. It always astounds me the level of trust children, parents and teachers place in me, even though in some cases they haven’t met me before the workshop.

As Brene says – Trust is earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.

I love the tiny moments, too, where a student is brave enough to show me something they’ve written at home or will come up with a creative idea and want to share it with me quietly.

Gratitude – there is so much to be grateful for – Miss 13 is starting to feel better and brighter after a few months of illness, the pile of books waiting to be read, my new boots (!), English Breakfast tea in bed, warmer weather (soon, surely!), longer daylight hours, interesting work on my desk, lovely intimate conversations with friends, green leaves on the birches outside my study window, a fluffy puppy with heaps of energy …

Inspiration – I’ve recently read two new-release non-fiction books. Everything is figureoutable by Marie Foleo is full of everything you need to solve all the problems from non-connecting flights to starting up a new business to finding special care for an ill relative. It’s creative, inspirational and practical. And it’s my new mantra.

Super attractor by Gabrielle Bernstein is almost a spiritual counterpart to Marie’s book – she believes you can attract everything you need. It’s full of a strong sense of possibility, of flow with God/the Universe/Spirit/Source. I’ve been enjoying the accompanying meditations.

I’m also really inspired by my husband, Brett, and the 40-odd cyclists who are riding this weekend to raise funds for ovarian cancer. As many of you know, our dear friend Leane was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost three years ago and is a shining light for raising awareness and funds for an early detection test. If you’d like to donate to support Brett, please go to this link.

Fun – I’ve had fun catching up with friends for lunch or walks or bookclub. I’ve also enjoyed crafting again – I spend so much creative time in my own head that I had forgotten how much I need a creative project to make with my hands. Miss 13 received a beautiful craft kit and I may have/did take over completely. The flowers are made of gorgeous linen and a tulle-like fabric and as they don’t require much concentration, flower crafting has become the perfect mindful and fun activity for me. I think a couple of them might make it to a hair clip for a spring racing look!

Let me know your TGIF or your Friday news in the comments!

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction, Reading, Workshops Tagged With: adult non-fiction, book review, children writing, writing workshops

Three interesting female characters – three interesting books

September 14, 2018 by Karen Comer 4 Comments

What makes an interesting female character? How do writers create a character who is relatable, but also unique and memorable? How do writers create a book that readers will pass on to their friends and will feature in every bookclub across the country?

I’ve recently read three adult books about three different female protagonists by women writers in three different countries which have all amazed me with their insightful writing, beautiful language but mainly the strong voices of the characters. All books had themes of connection, loneliness and healing.

  • Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by Gail Honeyman.

This debut novel is written in first person from the perspective of Eleanor Oliphant. And as you can infer from the justification word ‘completely’ in the title, she’s not so fine after all. She’s a twenty-nine year-old woman living alone in Glasgow, working as a finance clerk. Her weekdays and weekends run with monotonous certainty until she comes into contact with three men – a singer she falls in love with who doesn’t know of her existence, Sammy, an older man who has an accident in the street and Raymond, the new IT guy at work. In Eleanor’s words:

A philosophical question: if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? And if a woman who’s wholly alone occasionally talks to a pot plant, is she certifiable? I’m confident that it is perfectly normal to talk to oneself occasionally. It’s not as though I’m expecting a reply. I’m fully aware that Polly is a houseplant.

In an interview, Honeyman said that she ‘tried to ensure that Eleanor was never self-pitying, so that there was space for the reader to draw their own conclusions and, hopefully, to empathise with her.’ I think she succeeded!

  • The trauma cleaner by Sarah Krasnostein.

A non-fiction title, this book has a larger than life character with Sandra Pankhurst. She was born Peter, a baby boy adopted by a couple who had a daughter but no sons and couldn’t have any more children. They did go on to have two sons, and Peter suffered from his violent father. Peter left home, married and had two sons of his own. But in his thirties, he slowly transitions into Sandra. Sandra had many jobs, including drag queen, sex worker and business owner. It is her job as a trauma cleaner, someone who cleans up accidents, sorts out hoarding issues and deals with death scenes, that is perhaps her most interesting job. Krasnostein has written a moving and empathetic account of Sandra’s life. It took her about four years of following Sandra to her clients to uncover most of the details of Sandra’s life – there are many gaps as Sandra admits the drugs she took may have affected her memory. There is a graphic account of a rape scene which may be difficult to read. This extract comes from a visit to Marilyn, a hoarder –

‘You’ve got bugs on your bed,’ Sandra says matter-of-factly.

‘They don’t seem to do any harm,’ Marilyn answers, and turns to the pile of mail that Sandra has prepared for her to sort through. ‘I’ve got mail here I haven’t bothered to open.’

Having cleared more space on the bed, Sandra now finds another silk kaftan creased against the bedspread. She tries to smooth the deep wrinkles out with her palm, reunited it with its belt, arranges it on a hanger and swoops it back into the closet. 

Krasnostein writes that ‘the opposite of trauma is not the absence of trauma. The opposite of trauma is order, proportion; it is everything in its place.’

 

  • Radiant shimmering light by Sarah Selecky

A gentle satire, this novel set in Canada and the US lightly mocks the social media world where every turmeric latte is photographed in the best light and newsletters are sent out to reflect the glossy surface, rather than the banal or the debris of real life. Lillian Quick, forty-years-old, is a struggling artist who paints pet aura portraits. She connects with her long-lost cousin, Eleven, who is a gifted speaker and entrepreneur in women’s empowerment circles. All of a sudden, Lilian’s life changes – she’s earning money, she’s part of a team, she’s being supported to be her best self in her own empowerment journey. But is it real and will it last?

Selecky balances the gentle fun of the perfect-yourself, open-yourself-to-possibilities, you-are-beautiful-as-you-are culture with razor-sharp insightfulness and empathy. I found myself laughing and hoping and caring all in the same sentence. The newsletters, texts and social media posts scattered throughout the book both advance Lilian’s story and act as a wise social commentary.

I close my eyes and imagine warm light radiating out of me. I picture the woman this ticket belongs to. It helps to be specific: she is wearing a black coat, a wool scarf, and velvet gloves. I send out my light and connect to the morphogenetic field using my heart energy. I picture her walking to meet me halfway. She is thrilled. This is a wish come true for her.

In an interview with PRISM International, Selecky says: ‘We live online now. We stare into the face of a screen more than we look into other human faces. We do everything through our phone – everything. I wanted to create the visceral experience of what it means to live online. The constant connection/disconnection, and what that feels like in the human body. That’s what this story is about—connection.’

Selecky runs an online writing school – she acknowledges the irony of encouraging writers to disconnect to discover their writing voice through an online writing school! I have completed one of her courses – she taught me about the importance of having a relationship with writing, rather than looking at it as a tool or a business or something separate from yourself.

I loved Eleanor’s fall from her routined life into a messy heap on the floor, then her slow rebuilding into a better version of herself, but always, always, her strong, quirky self, untarnished by the culture around her. I admired Sandra’s strength and her meticulous attention to detail and her ability to talk to anyone. I loved Lilian’s innocent observations and her struggle to balance the digital world with the real world.  Three strong, memorable characters from three fascinating books – happy reading!

Filed Under: Adult Fiction, Adult Non-Fiction, Uncategorised Tagged With: adult fiction, adult non-fiction, Author interview, book review

Raising our children, raising ourselves – book review

May 12, 2017 by Karen Comer 2 Comments

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I’ve been to two Mother’s Day masses already this week and I have another one later today. Can you see my halo?

I’ll absolutely take the flowers and chocolates, and the hugs that go with them. But I’ll also take the reflections as well.

The first time I read Naomi Aldort’s book, Raising our children, raising ourselves, I baulked. Really? You have to be that amazing to bring up kids? You have to be that patient, sacrificing, understanding, forgiving _________ Fill in the blanks with your choice of adjective.

But her words resonated with me enough to challenge me to read it a second time. And this time, I started following some of her suggestions. I even typed up some of her most useful ideas – and I’m glad I did because I lent her book to a kinder mum three years ago and I haven’t got it back!

Aldort, who is a sought-after American public speaker on non-violent communication and family matters, believes the struggle between parents and their children is because parents are attached to their old way of seeing things or disciplining their children. She reminds parents that:

when you have the courage to stop defending the way you are, or the way your parents raised you, you can open up to the possibility that you are much greater and more magnificent and capable than you thought you were.

My husband and I often remind each other to SALVE – Aldort’s acronym. She has a little video where she explains this.

S – Self-investigation. Your child is a mirror of you and will reflect what is going on for you. Aldort suggests taking a moment – however long – to check in with yourself before responding to your child.

A – Attention – back on the child. Focus on your child and what their need is. If you have cleared your mind and checked in with yourself first, you are able to truly see your child as they are.

L – Listen – to what your child is telling you or trying to articulate.

V – Validate – acknowledge to them they are going through a tough situation, no matter what the circumstance. ‘You don’t want to pack up.’ ‘You want to stay up late.’ ‘You’re disappointed you lost your basketball match.’ ‘You think it’s not fair your sister had the bigger slice of cake.’ Be careful not to exaggerate or to blame.

E – Empower – your child to come up with a solution or to manage their feelings. ‘Next time, what are you going to do?’ ‘I believe you are capable of working this out with your sister.’ This is about trusting your child to resolve their own emotional response and to handle the situation.

We don’t always manage to remember to SALVE our way through all situations, big or small, but when we do, it does help. My husband even uses it on me sometimes – I know, it’s difficult to be the one to think of everything, I don’t know how you do it!

As Mother’s Day approaches this weekend, I hope all mothers can see the beauty of their own parenting style, see their children in all their authenticity, and connect with their families.

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction Tagged With: Mother's Day, parenting

My week in books

February 10, 2017 by Karen Comer 14 Comments

toy clothesline clothespin sunset time in autumn

How many books have you read, skimmed, touched, discussed, borrowed or bought this week? I decided I would tally up mine!

Read

  • The secret scriptures by Sebastian Barry – this was my bookclub book and and it was my turn to host. Half of our bookclub had read it, half had started it. We all agreed it was a very slow start. It’s a dual narrative with both sections written in first person. Roseanne is a one-hundred-year-old woman who has been a patient at a mental hospital in Ireland for many, many years. Dr Grene is her psychiatrist. I enjoyed Roseanne’s story more because she was the more interesting character with a strong voice. When I read Dr Grene’s sections, I had to remind myself that his story was current – his tone was quite formal for a contemporary voice.
  • Becoming a writer by Dorothea Brande – this book was published in the 1930s, but is still relevant today, despite the 1930s tone. I reread this book because the writer discusses the two personalities of the author – the rational or conscious side and the dreamy or unconscious part. I’m interested in this at the moment because I’m trying to balance writing a logical outline for my book so I can see where the problems lie, as well as use my subconscious to solve the problems. Wish me luck!
  • When the teddy bears came by Martin Waddell – this is a gorgeous picture book which is a perfect present for a toddler about to become a big sister or brother. I put all my kids’ much-loved soft toys in the washing machine yesterday – 34 degrees! – and hung them on the line to dry by their ears or tails. They looked both bedraggled and comical, and the lines of teddies and penguins and dogs reminded me of Waddell’s book, with its collection of teddy bears.
  • The last painting of Sara de Vos by Dominic Smith – I have only started this book but am really enjoying it so far.

Skimmed

  • Jerusalem by Yotam Ottolenghi – I’m doing a cooking class next weekend with a friend, based on Ottolenghi’s recipes. I didn’t know much about him at all so I borrowed my friend’s cookbooks. We are having caramelised fennel and roasted eggplant with lamb mince for dinner this week – yum!
  • Information is beautiful by David McCandless – my kind brother gave me this book – I did cook him a decent dinner and agreed to be interviewed for his business! Its pages show different ways to present information, trends and statistics from different types of fish, carbon usage and the connection between facial hair and the number of people one has killed! It’s a visually stunning book – would be an asset to any marketing department. I have only flicked through it but can already see how I’ll use it as a resource for inspiration, marketing and storytelling.

Touched

  • One by Sarah Crossan – my friend Tess, a remarkable young woman, is going to start a bookclub with some university friends and wanted some recommendations for books on feminism, female empowerment and gender roles. So this section is for Tess, as I went through my bookshelves for options for her. One is a young adult fiction book about conjoined twins – definitely empowering.
  • The poisonwood bible by Barbara Kingsolver – four sisters who leave the US with their parents to live in the Congo. Different directions, different choices by the sisters in this novel.
  • All that I am by Anna Funder – set in Germany during the Second World War, this is a fictional account of two female cousins who work against Hitler. Chilling.
  • Speaking out and The fictional woman by Tara Moss – two non-fiction books by an Australian model, author and activist. Powerful reading.
  • The wife drought by Annabel Crabbe – this book covers the same old ground about the division of duties at work and home between men and women. A fiery read.
  • Motherhood and creativity, the divided heart by Rachel Power – a series of interviews with creative women who are also mothers. While the emphasis is on creative careers, many of the stories can also be applied to the business world.

Discussed

  • The beast’s garden by Kate Forsyth – I lent my copy to one of the lovely baristas at my local cafe because she is an avid reader. She’s just started it, so I’m looking forward to hearing what she thinks of it when she’s read a little bit more.
  • Zen habits by Leo Babuto – I also lent my copy of this book to another lovely barista at the same cafe because he wanted to stop procrastinating and this book has fabulous tips for creating habits to do the things that you want to do but just can’t. However, he has been procrastinating reading it so we haven’t had any conversations about it yet!

Browsed

  • Big magic by Elizabeth Gilbert – I love this book, and pulled it out to flip through because I wanted some tips and tricks on how to be more creative. Will probably end up reading this one cover to cover again.
  • Zakka compiled by Rashida Coleman-Hale – Miss 10 and I are on a sewing project roll at the moment – we made lavender sachets in the holidays. I have found a little project in this book we could sew. Now to choose the fabric from my stash – blue flowers or blue butterflies?

Borrowed

  • Goodbye stranger by Rebecca Stead – my friend Renee suggested I read this as apparently Stead’s style and subject matter is similar to what I’m working on with my book. Just borrowed it yesterday from the library so I’m looking forward to a good middle-grade fiction read.
  • Anansi boys by Neil Gaiman – because he’s Neil Gaiman and this book happened to be lying by itself on the library shelf. Need I say more?
  • Fabric pictures by Janet Bolton – love a beautifully photographed craft book and the cover had me at hello!

Bought

  • Zero! I have a Christmas book voucher which is begging to be spent but I am trying to hold off for a little while longer.

I hope you have had an equally bookish week with fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, children’s fiction – let me know about your week in books, please.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Adult Fiction, Adult Non-Fiction, Children's Fiction, Picture Books, Writing Tagged With: adult fiction, adult non-fiction, Big magic, children's fiction, Elizabeth Gilbert, Kate Forsythe, rachel power, the divided heart, writing, young adult fiction

Paris books – part 2

May 27, 2016 by Karen Comer Leave a Comment

Because you can never have too much Paris – here’s a few more books with brief descriptions about the city of lights. Like my earlier post about Paris books, this one is written for my friend, M, who is travelling to Paris soon with her family.

The flaneur

The flaneur by Edmund White – this is a non-fiction book about wandering around Paris without any particular purpose but being curious and interested in your surroundings. Lots of history.

Chic shopping Paris

Chic shopping Paris by Rebecca Perry Magniant – a pocket-size treasure with gorgeous photos and excellent information about all sorts of shops. This includes the name of the shop, the address, the arrondissement, closest metro stop, website and opening hours. There’s a handy list at the back, where the shops are divided into type – jewellery, bags, perfume, toys, shoes etc.

The angels of Paris

Angels of Paris, an architectural tour through the history of Paris by Rosemary Flannery – it is truly amazing how many angels there are in Paris – the stone ones, I mean, not the ones walking around disguised as the kindly waiter or tour guide! This book describes the many angels situated on the outsides of churches, museums, clocks and fountains. Beautiful photos.

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If I had a mas in Provence by Lizzie Mapoli – this charming, illustrated book focuses on Provence, not Paris, but still conveys that French essence so I added it to this list. A mas is a typical house in Provence – think lavender, stone walls, a large fireplace, tiled roof, definitely an armoire, fabric with printed woodcut motifs, and of course, a kitchen garden. Need I say more?

The most beautiful walk in the world

The most beautiful walk in the world by John Baxter – this is a memoir by a literary tour guide. It’s easy to read, full of literary anecdotes, food and interesting characters. It’s making me nostalgic, just flicking through it!

Happy Paris reading, M, and happy Paris dreaming for the rest of us! Anyone else reading fiction or non-fiction around their holidays?

 

 

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction Tagged With: book review

Paris books – part 1

May 20, 2016 by Karen Comer 6 Comments

ty of Love, is a popular travel destination and a major city in Europe

This post is for my friend, M, who is travelling to Paris and other European cities with her family soon. I stayed in Paris for three weeks a couple of years ago – to celebrate my 40th birthday, do a writing course, take some art classes and shop, of course – alone! It was magical.

I wrote my heart out around Paris with Darla Worden’s Left Bank Writers’ Retreat – six days of tracing Ernest Hemingway’s footsteps, writing in gardens, lunching at literary restaurants, looking at art. I am so glad I am still connected with the other fabulously creative American writers I met there.

I took a few art classes with Pauline Fraisse, who helped me to improve my sketching in Monet’s garden, Jardin des Plantes and cafes.

M, here are a few books you might find useful – a gorgeously photographed book, a chic style and shopping book and a thoughtful, well-researched non-fiction book on fascinating French women. I’ll be dropping them on your doorstep later today!

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Paris, a guide to the city’s creative heart by Janelle McCulloch – this book is so beautiful that you could frame every one of its pages. It’s divided into two sections – the first is divided down further by arrondissement so it’s easy to know what to look out for if you’re in the 11th or 18th arrondissement. The second half has different sections for design, style and flavour. I found this book so helpful for directing me to paper stores, tea salons, perfume shops, etc. Miss 9 still has the tricolour (red, white and blue) hair ribbons I bought for her in an old, rambling store where apparently Jean-Paul Gaultier buys his ribbons. C’est bon!

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Parisian chic, a style guide by Ines de la Fressange with Sophie Gachet – you just know you are going to receive wonderful fashion advice from someone called Ines de la Fressange! This book has more amateur-style photos and lots of bullet points. There are four sections – Dress like a Parisian with photos of Ines’ gorgeous-looking daughter, places to shop and tips to look like a Parisian fashionista. The second section is Belle of the ball with beauty and make-up tips. Third section is called Chez moi – lists of places to shop for homewares and the fourth section is Ines’ Paris with her favourite places for families, accommodation and restaurants. So if you would like to dress, shop and look nonchalantly Parisian, this book is for you. Ooh la la!

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True pleasures, a memoir of women in Paris by Lucinda Holdforth – this book weaves Lucinda’s own story in with her visit to Paris and her research on many interesting women, such as Hortense Mancini, Colette and Josephine, Napoleon’s wife. It’s an interesting read, and brings past and present together seamlessly, along with highlighting all of Paris’ charms. C’est magnifique!

Any other Paris tips or books for my friend? Places to shop? Cafes and restaurants? Museums and gardens?

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction, Art, Paris Tagged With: adult non-fiction, book review, writing workshops

Louder than words – book review

April 12, 2016 by Karen Comer 5 Comments

Todd Henry

This book, Louder than words, harness the power of your authentic voice, was so quotable – my copy has many underlined sections with pencil.

If you are trying to make yourself heard in your organisation or your art, this book contains many useful concepts. Todd Henry discusses the three elements needed to amplify your authentic voice through your work – identity, vision and mastery.

‘Your sense of identity leads you to a compelling vision, which then illuminates the skills and platform you need to master in order to succeed.’

I answered some of the questions in the book, so I can tell you that my weakest element is mastery. Hence, why I continue to go to writing classes and write daily.

Henry talks about the hurdles we need to overcome in order to cultivate our authentic voice – fears, limiting narratives, inertia.

He discusses his ‘dailies’ – daily checklists for personal and professional interests, such as having a meaningful conversation with his wife and three children, reading, writing, exercise, generating ideas, business development.

One of my favourite sections is Henry’s quote from Ira Glass.

‘What nobody tells people who are beginners – and I really wish someone had told this to me – is that all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple of years you make stuff, and it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase. They quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this … It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. It’s going to take a while. It’s normal to take a while. You’ve just got to fight your way through.

There are so many creatives out there whose voice I admire – because it seems unique and effortless. And it is definitely unique, but it probably took all those years to uncover it.

Here’s to all of us – the health sages and the marketing gurus, the tech-savy and the corporate, the designers and the bloggers, the loud ones and the quiet ones, those of us uncovering our identities or refining our vision or practising our mastery – let’s keep on cultivating our authentic voices.

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction Tagged With: Todd Henry

Half the sky – book review

March 18, 2016 by Karen Comer 8 Comments

Half the sky

I wish I could convince everyone to read this book – not because it’s entertaining or it’s beautifully crafted or it’s on a best-selling list. But because it tells the stories of many girls and women in developing countries who otherwise wouldn’t be heard. Here’s a mini version of their stories. (This may not be appropriate for children to read.)

Sunitha, India – The gang of men opposed to her efforts raped her.

Abbas, India – Abbas had been taken to Delhi as a young teenager to work as a maid, but instead she found herself sold to a brothel and beaten with a cricket bat to induce obedience.

Woineshet, Ethiopia – For two days, the kidnapers casually battered and raped Woineshet.

Zoya, Afghanistan – “I should not have been beaten, because I was always obedient and did what my husband said. But if the wife is truly disobedient, then of course her husband has to beat her.”

Halima, Pakistan – But her parents were worried that she would soon hit puberty, and they wanted her to be married off before she might develop a crush on someone else and start people gossiping – or damage her most valuable possession of all, her hymen.

This is not an easy book to read. The women’s and girls’ stories are horrific, and for every girl telling her story there are thousands behind her whose story ended in death or disaster. I could only read it in small chunks at a time.

But what I have done is talk about a mild version of these stories with my kids. And we have donated to Room to Read, a charity which builds libraries and provides girls with mentors, uniforms and school supplies. And my bookclub discussed the book this week, and there were many there motivated to do something as well.

The authors, Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, were the first married couple to win a Pulitzer prize. They include a huge list of notes and organisations supporting women which you can donate to or research in their book. You can also find out more or donate though the Half the sky website here. I particularly liked this message from the website –

‘But educating girls is the key to building stable, egalitarian communities. An educated girl knows her value and will demand her rights. A child born to an educated mother is 50 percent more likely to survive past the age of 5. A woman earns 20 percent more for every year of school she attends. Educating girls now will create opportunities in the future. As Nicholas Kristof notes in his article What’s So Scary About Smart Girls?, “Ultimately, the greatest threat to extremism isn’t drones firing missiles, but girls reading books.”’

Girls reading books – that’s definitely something I believe in.

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction Tagged With: adult non-fiction, book review, Half the sky

The life-changing magic of tidying up – book review

February 16, 2016 by Karen Comer 8 Comments

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As you may know, our family moved out of our home of twelve years last month and into a smaller apartment. We’re renovating our home, and fingers crossed, we’ll be back in before Christmas this year.

And as all of you know, moving house means touching EVERY SINGLE ITEM. The clothes that the kids have outgrown. The one special kinder painting of a sunflower. The cake decorating cricket set I used for Mr 12’s 7th birthday cake which may or may not be used for Mr 6. Every single water glass, wine glass and coffee mug. And that honours thesis on nineteenth-century women writers in the filing cabinet – everyone has one of those, yes?

And the books. Goodness, the books in our house!

We culled so much, and it’s lovely to live with less. Many trips to St Vinnie’s to drop off objects that someone else might be able to use. Many garbage bags full of rubbish. A few things – including our dishwasher! – dropped off to friends and family.

I wouldn’t call myself sentimental – I prefer space to stuff – except when it comes to books, of course. But I do live with four other people, and sometimes one person’s rubbish is another person’s treasure.

So, I found the words from Marie Kondo’s book echoing in my head all December and January. I’d read her first book, The life-changing magic of tidying up, the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing last year but I read it again, and also read her second book Spark joy, an illustrated guide to the Japanese art of tidying.

Marie writes in an accessible, almost conversational manner and tells many stories about clients who cannot see the floor of their house because of all the clutter. She’s not preachy but passionate about the joys of tidying-up. And honest – ‘the process of facing and selecting our possessions can be quite painful. It forces us to confront our imperfections and inadequacies and the foolish choices we made in the past’.

She has many concepts:

  • if you can tidy up, you can change your life
  • you only need to do it once – properly
  • most people make the mistake of clearing by location – bedroom, kitchen, family-room, hall cupboard – but it’s more effective to clean by type – clothes, books, papers, miscellaneous items like kitchen ware, linen, hobby materials, then finally sentimental items.
  • you need to hold every object in your hands – hug it, even
  • you need to ask yourself, for every object – does this spark joy?

I have to agree with most of her ideas. In the past, I would have used logic to declutter – is this useful? Would we miss this item? But intuition – for me, anyway – is a far more accurate measure of how I feel about most things, and decluttering is no exception.

Be warned – some of her detailed views on folding clothes and thanking your discarded items might be viewed as quite extreme!

‘I had been so focused on what to discard, on attacking the unwanted obstacles around me, that I had forgotten to cherish the things that I loved, the things I wanted to keep. Through this experience, I came to the conclusion that the best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in one’s hand and ask:”Does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it. This is not only the simplest but also the most accurate yardstick by which to judge.’

Like many things, a cluttered or minimalistic-style house is subjective – I’m sure I have friends who would think my house is cluttered and equally, friends who think my house is tidy.

Apart from slowly seeing how her approach has worked for me (so far, I’ve completed sorted our clothes and books), what I love most about her philosophy is the mindfulness aspect. Why surround ourselves with stuff which is meaningless or useless? Why spend time and energy storing or tripping over items which hold no personal value? Why shouldn’t we surround ourselves with only items that bring joy?

Let me know what you think about decluttering in the comments!

Filed Under: Adult Non-Fiction, Uncategorised Tagged With: Marie Kondo

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