Mother’s Day

I’ve been to two Mother’s Day masses already this week and I have another one later today. Can you see my halo?

I’ll absolutely take the flowers and chocolates, and the hugs that go with them. But I’ll also take the reflections as well.

The first time I read Naomi Aldort’s book, Raising our children, raising ourselves, I baulked. Really? You have to be that amazing to bring up kids? You have to be that patient, sacrificing, understanding, forgiving _________ Fill in the blanks with your choice of adjective.

But her words resonated with me enough to challenge me to read it a second time. And this time, I started following some of her suggestions. I even typed up some of her most useful ideas – and I’m glad I did because I lent her book to a kinder mum three years ago and I haven’t got it back!

Aldort, who is a sought-after American public speaker on non-violent communication and family matters, believes the struggle between parents and their children is because parents are attached to their old way of seeing things or disciplining their children. She reminds parents that:

when you have the courage to stop defending the way you are, or the way your parents raised you, you can open up to the possibility that you are much greater and more magnificent and capable than you thought you were.

My husband and I often remind each other to SALVE – Aldort’s acronym. She has a little video where she explains this.

S – Self-investigation. Your child is a mirror of you and will reflect what is going on for you. Aldort suggests taking a moment – however long – to check in with yourself before responding to your child.

A – Attention – back on the child. Focus on your child and what their need is. If you have cleared your mind and checked in with yourself first, you are able to truly see your child as they are.

L – Listen – to what your child is telling you or trying to articulate.

V – Validate – acknowledge to them they are going through a tough situation, no matter what the circumstance. ‘You don’t want to pack up.’ ‘You want to stay up late.’ ‘You’re disappointed you lost your basketball match.’ ‘You think it’s not fair your sister had the bigger slice of cake.’ Be careful not to exaggerate or to blame.

E – Empower – your child to come up with a solution or to manage their feelings. ‘Next time, what are you going to do?’ ‘I believe you are capable of working this out with your sister.’ This is about trusting your child to resolve their own emotional response and to handle the situation.

We don’t always manage to remember to SALVE our way through all situations, big or small, but when we do, it does help. My husband even uses it on me sometimes – I know, it’s difficult to be the one to think of everything, I don’t know how you do it!

As Mother’s Day approaches this weekend, I hope all mothers can see the beauty of their own parenting style, see their children in all their authenticity, and connect with their families.

Nearly Mother’s Day, and there are a few whispered conversations at our place. The kids have given me quite a few books for Mother’s Day over the years – some adult novels and some picture books about mums. I’m not a fan of the sweetly sentimental picture books but I do love the quirky ones. Here’s a list of five of my favourites:

My Mum has x-ray vision, written by Angela McAllister and illustrated by Alex T. Smith. This book begins with: Milo’s Mum was like all the other mums. She had ordinary hair, ordinary clothes and a nice smile. Milo’s Mum was just like all the other mums … except she could see through things. Milo was pretty sure she had x-ray vision.

Except Milo works out that she doesn’t have x-ray vision, even though the pictures tell a different story. The illustrations are fun and comical, especially the two double page spreads which you need to turn around to see properly.

Funny book for kinder kids. My kids still quote from this book, especially when I remind them about the no-devices-in-bedrooms rule. ‘But how did you know, Mum?’ they say, as they pull out the device from under their t-shirt. ‘X-ray vision!’

No room for a mouse, written by Kyle Mewburn and illustrated by Freya Blackwood. Christopher’s Mum is extraordinarily busy, with a to-do list that grows every day. When Christopher invites an array of people to live in his house, his mother doesn’t even notice. But when Christopher and his pet mouse go missing, his Mum notices then and adjusts her to-do list.

Interesting book for 3-6 year-olds. Gorgeous, watercolour illustrations.

Kiss the cow, written by Phyllis Root, illustrated by Will Hillenbrand. Mama May had so many children she couldn’t count them all. But every day, Mama May manages to milk the cow twice a day to give milk and cheese to her many children. It is Annalisa, her most stubborn and curious child, that causes the problem in this book. The story is about Annalisa and Luella, the cow, but I like Mama May’s constant presence and firm questioning.

Fabulous book for 3-6 year-olds. A funny ‘ugh’ moment.

Time for bed, Isobel, written by David Bedford, illustrated by Leonie Worthington. The panda mother in this story deserves a medal for her patience! “I don’t want to go to bed,” said Isobel. “I want to be with you.” Forget that this is a kids’ story – if you have ever spent three hours putting a toddler to bed, this book is for you!

Perfect for toddlers who don’t want to go to bed.

My Mum, written and illustrated by Anthony Browne. This is a classic and has been around for over ten years now. There is also a corresponding Dad book. The story is told from the child’s perspective, about his mum who can sing like an angel, and roar like a lion. She’s really, really nice, my mum. It’s full of contradictions – She’s as soft as a kitten, and as tough as a rhino. The illustrations show the same floral material from Mum’s dressing gown on every page.

All babies should be given this as soon as possible, and all mums should read this frequently! Wonderful first Mother’s Day present.

So, if you’re a mum, what sort of mum are you? Do you have eyes in the back of your head or are you as tough as a rhino? Do you feed your children milk and cheese? Are you as patient as Isobel’s mum, or as busy as Christopher’s mum? Think I can identify with all these storybook mothers!

Raising our children, raising ourselves – book review

Quirky picture books about mums