That phrase, ‘I’m my own worst enemy’ is often used in a pretty glib sort of way, a quick, shallow sort of comment to be tossed out and forgotten. Might be a conversation about exercise or food habits, maybe about a television show addiction or an inability to keep your desk tidy or go to bed early.
But I’ve been thinking a little more deeply about this because I think it’s true for so many different aspects of my life. Yesterday, I needed to be somewhere at a particular time, and I knew what I wanted to have completed before I left. I was on track – so on track in fact, that I allowed myself to do another task on the computer. And then I was not only not on track but so far behind the track that I was running late. My own worst enemy.
It’s this habit of unconsciously sabotaging what you most desire to do – whether it’s arriving somewhere on time, losing weight, doing further study, keeping a tidy house, writing a book – that makes us our own worst enemy. And sometimes I justify it by telling myself that I can’t possibly do everything I value – shower my kids and husband with love and kindness, cook everything from scratch, publish that book, find the perfect light fitting for over the stairs, attend every basketball match, make sure everyone has washed, dried, folded and put-away clothes, present a stimulating and informative workshop etc etc. But sometimes you just have to forge through all the excuses and the resistance, take off the blindfold and step into the unknown. And just write. Or whatever the number one value or priority is for you.
Going deep into writing again and again means facing that resistance and focusing with clarity on what’s really important. So that I can be my own supportive mentor and wise guru, rather than my own worst enemy.